The Art of Indoor Mountaineering
At the start of 2020 I had plenty of climbing adventures in the diary. I was particularly excited about a trip in April – a mix of sport climbing, deep-water soloing and traveling around Malaysia. However, the universe had other plans... Instead, I found myself climbing Everest on my stairs. This was a plot twist I was not expecting! If you had told me that I would spend my Easter vacation in my house, climbing my stairs whilst eating my bodyweight in salt and vinegar crisps, I would have laughed in your face (well, maybe not the bit about eating so many crisps). It turns out this is exactly what I ended up doing.
Due to the Covid-19 global pandemic, countries have been in lockdown all around the world. And rightly so! It’s imperative that we all stay at home, support our healthcare systems and save lives. This doesn’t stop us wanting to go outside though and if you’re like me and love the outdoors, you will find this challenging.
So, in the spirit of stay at home adventures, I decided to climb Everest on my stairs. I wanted to make the best out of the situation I found myself in and prove that adventures can happen anywhere. I love doing ridiculous challenges so this seemed like the perfect way to spend a few days. I was also slightly concerned at how out of hand my snacking had got during lockdown. Some strenuous exercise would hopefully counteract my ever-increasing fridge visits!
Everest is 8848 meters in height and after doing some maths and measuring, I calculated that I needed to climb and descend my stairs 2137 times. Unsurprisingly, the experience lasted a while! I kept a solid pace throughout, but it still took me 21 hours to complete the challenge. I did this over 8 days and ended up burning 11,898 calories. I added an altitude mask and extra kit for the last stage of the climb to make it more “realistic” and to keep myself amused. Having said that, the majority of the ascent was done in shorts and T-shirt with a background playlist that ranged from Country and Western to Heavy Meatal. It was the weirdest mountain experience I’ve ever had!
One of the highlights for me had to be the interactions and exchanges on social media. The sense of community was brilliant and I even managed to recruit some “virtual climbing partners”. After posting about my ascent on Instagram and Twitter, I received some brilliant comments. Someone hilariously advised me not to put a plastic bag over my head to simulate altitude (don't worry, I didn't do that). I was also offered Sherpa support from an Everest expedition company which made me laugh. However, the most overwhelmingly popular reaction was an unprecedented level of concern for my carpet. The amount of worried comments I received showed me that the general public clearly have a passion for good carpeting - an interesting fact I wasn’t expecting to learn in lockdown. For the record, my carpet is fine and survived the climb.
Granted, all of this might not be as exciting as climbing a real mountain, but indoor mountaineering does have some benefits… It’s certainly an inexpensive activity in comparison to the real thing. An Everest expedition will set you back thousands of pounds and there is a chance that you could fall into a crevasse. On your stairs this isn’t going to be a problem. Unless they break and you fall through them, but I think this is unlikely to happen. Mind you, my stairs were a little creaky at one point and I did spend a lot of time thinking about this. You also won’t get frostbite, won’t have to worry about queues and crowds (a real issue on Everest) and will have stable weather throughout. I mean, do we even need the mountains anyway?!
There are so many more challenges to be had on our stairs and with a bit of creativity we can come up with some novel and interesting ideas. An ascent of the Seven Summits (the tallest mountains on each continent) or completing the Three Peaks Challenge (climbing the tallest mountains in England, Wales and Scotland in a 24-hour period) might be a nice, although gruelling objective. Combining indoor camping/bivvying could add another bizarre layer to the experience. We have options that are only limited by our imagination!
At times like these, it’s more important than ever to have challenges to keep us focused. The week I spent climbing Everest whizzed by and it helped me to have a fun goal to work towards. Staying physically and mentally fit during lockdown is extremely important and I believe that indoor mountaineering is a great activity for doing this. Adventure can be found in the most unusual of places and if we can find it on our stairs, imagine how heightened our experiences and gratitude will be when we can finally return to the outdoors. But until then, we need to look to our immediate environment for inspiration. Happy home adventuring!
And remember, “It is not the stairs we conquer, but ourselves.” That was what Sir Edmund Hillary said, right?
