You've Already Got Your "No"
I recently heard an interesting story that got me thinking. My friend was in a bar and noticed a woman he wanted to go and chat to. She had caught his attention but he didn’t want to approach her for fear of rejection or seeming too forward. He relayed all of this to a female friend he was with at the time and she instantly tried to change his mind. She gave him a great piece of advice by explaining that he “already had his no” and that nothing would change if he didn’t act. If the woman at the bar wasn’t interested in talking to him, he would be in exactly the same place he was already in. He already had his rejection. There was absolutely nothing to lose from trying. The logic was solid but it still didn’t convince my friend to go and initiate a conversation. Interesting.
Throwing ourselves into life head-first takes courage. However, it’s something that I think a lot of us could benefit from doing. Remembering the little maxim “you’ve already got your no” is a good place to start. I think this is a very practical phrase to have floating around in our minds. As it stands, we already have our “no” from the things we’re too afraid to try.
Inaction isn’t going to produce any results whatsoever. We therefore need to employ a proactive approach to our goals, hopes and dreams.The worst-case scenario for a lot of the things we fear is for everything to be the same as it is now. I’ll give you a few examples:
1. You want to start a side-business but are worried that it might fail.
2. You want to ask someone out but have a fear of rejection.
3. You want to start exercising but fear that you won’t be able to commit to a regular routine.
4. You want to learn a language but feel that you won’t be able to do it.
All of the outcomes you fear from these situations are actually happening right now. Your side-business has already failed if it doesn’t even exist! The person you want to ask out isn’t dating you right now, so you already have a big fat “no” on your hands. And what about exercising and learning a new language? Well, if you’re not doing anything about them you also have your “no” here. All of this probably seems blindingly obvious but I feel that it can be very liberating to view things in this way. What have you got to lose? Honestly, what have you got to lose from trying?
A fear of rejection or failure is very normal and something that a lot of people have. I do think that it’s important to be aware of this but not to weight it heavily. If you focus on the “potential” failures out there you might never start in the first place. It’s important to not let a fear of failure stop you from trying anything new. Just think about what amazing experiences you might have if you go for it. You already have your “no”, so what are you waiting for? Write the book, ask him out, sign up for that race. You genuinely have nothing to lose.
You can use this model of thinking to fit in with your goals. I hope it helps to motivate you. I certainly found the concept inspiring when I heard about it. Enjoy!
“Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. ”